Children of Avatar

Given that I live in the boonies, have three small children, haven't seen a movie in a theater with my husband since before we were married eight and a half years ago, and that I tend to hibernate in winter, it's shocking that I made it to the theater to see Avatar.  And it was well worth it.  It's one of those game-changing cultural and technological experiences that had to happen.  I had heard from enough people that it was "The Best Movie Ever," that I made it to the theater and was thoroughly engrossed and amazed.  Before I saw it, I wondered if I might be able to bring my 7 year old, C, to see it.  I had reasons:  he loves visual arts (and most other types of artistic pursuits), he has talked a lot about making movies when he gets older, he has a dreamy countenance and could engage in such a spectacular fictional world, and he would be able to engage in the cultural discussion and experience around this movie.  I spoke at length with dear mommy friends.  I heard of other kids his age and younger that saw it.  I went to one of my favorite websites for evaluating media for children, commonsensemedia.org.  I trust that website, and it had a definite 13 years old+ rating for children.  Based on that and other issues,  I decided against it.  Then I saw the movie myself.

Well, you know, wow.  Words can't really describe the experience.  Story aside, the 3D experience is like being on the holodeck of Pandora.  The intensity of the scenery, the acrobatics, the flying, the sharp-toothed critters were like nothing ever before on film (but, remember, I don't get out much)...not to mention the emotional intensity of the story and the absolute devastation that befalls the Na'vi in the loss of their home.  My husband and I came out of the theater in our own state of Shock and Awe.  Then we had a thoughtful discussion about whether or not our son should see it.  He had the same questions that I had thought about before seeing it.  We both admired the hero of the story, the warrior who finds his path and love.  We adored the strong female characters in the story, and the fact that the more 'primitive' culture triumphs over the machines (of course, how many machines were needed to make the film?).  There are many positive (if not psychadelic) messages in this story. 

 I take my job of raising boys--three of them--very seriously.  I am trying to strike the balance between strength and sensitivity;  trying to raise noble warriors.   In fact our eldest's moniker is that of a legendary Irish warrior.  We need powerful warriors and true heroes in our clans.  We speak often to our boys of what bravery means in the course of sword fights, archery, wrestling and general disagreements:  how to be strong, to stand for your beliefs--to know your beliefs, for that matter--to be honest and to communicate needs and feelings (use your words, boys).  And there have been moments when I'm even proud of my son for using physical force and standing up for himself.  C has for years taken the warrior role deep into his soul, and until recently dressed up constantly as a loincloth wearing Native, carrying quivers of arrows and bows. 

In spite of its warrior hero, I have concluded that Avatar is just too intense for my boy.  The dinosauroid critters were ugly, sharp-toothed and terrifying.  The first scene where Jake is alone in the forest would be nightmare-inducing enough...and for a little boy who lives in the forest amongst sharp-toothed creatures?  The fighting scenes were so realistic and violent--granted, though not gory.  Watching the home tree get torched and crash to the ground while the Na'vi flee--horrific.  And well, we live amongst the trees, too, and fire is a real, real issue every summer.  How is a young mind to process all of this?

I waver back and forth, pretty much constantly, about whether I am too protective of my child.  Children in other countries, or just other situations, actually use weapons, firearms, hunt, butcher...and play first person shooter video games, watch gore, violence and murder on television and in the theater.  Children are warriors, real and imaginary.  Consensus in our country and culture has given us the rating systems used on games and films.  But do people really pay attention to it?  I do, though I'm generally a rule follower...and I think I'm in the minority.  It is each individual parent/family's right to make decisions best for them.  But exposing 3 or 5 or 7 year olds to Avatar world?  Can a child even grasp the concept of fiction--science fiction--set 145 years from now?  Can they separate out reality from fake violence?  What do those searing images--of those animals and fires and dying Na'vi and humans with two arrows piercing the heart--do to the young brain?  Not to mention the degree of sensory stimulation that world presented....

I don't want to be judgmental of any parent that has chosen to take their child to see this film--I have really had to wrestle with these issues personally, and I'm laying it out here.  And my husband is still toying with taking C to see it (against my now formed opinion).  My reasoning on waiting for the 3D techno-experience is that the Alice in Wonderland movie and the Pixar dragon-tamer movie (the previewed films) will be coming out soon and C can go to the theater and experience these mellower films (though my husband argues that Alice in Wonderland might actually be scarier).  Will Avatar be in the theater, or home video, when he is at an age when I think he can handle it?  I'm sure it will be--and much, much more.  I am taking the path of (over?)protecting him--allowing him to remain in his childhood world.  Benign omission.   Because, though children do wield guns in certain parts of the world, I have the luxury of allowing my child to be a child.  He can be the warrior of his own making.  Once a door such as Avatar's is opened, there is no going back.  The innocence is lost;  a child begins to see the monster in the dark is real, the evil in the world is present and often deceitful, the intentions of others are muddy.  These are all lessons we learn in life--but when should we learn them?

It is hard, because there is a social pressure on kids to have seen this movie (or others like it--Batman, Spiderman, Star Wars--even more enticing to children and all PG-13) so that they are in the know.  But which child can really handle it?  Some kids my son's age very likely can handle this movie.  When is it that a child can watch a person die on screen through violence and understand the full impact and consequence of this?  The child brain operates on a concrete level--without the ability to think outside of itself (think: sharing) until the age of 12, give or take.  Children cannot perform abstract thought.  They can understand pretend, of course.  But the abstract concepts will be distorted in a child's mind to a point they can understand;  they will create a myth around this story to process the images.  And they will be desensitized to bad things.  I only saw a few pictures of the devastation in Haiti because it was enough--to know what had happened was enough.  I did not need the bombardment of grotesques images.  I'm a sensitized adult and was able to imagine enough about the tragedy.  The children warriors and hunters who wield guns or butcher goats are in living those situations--they are real to them and they see the blood and hear the cries.  Seeing violence third hand...well, I wonder about what effect that detatchment has on the soul.  Is the story understood?  Is the consequence translated? 

The questions I pose are sincere, and I would be very curious to hear from people who have taken children to see this film and what their experience has been.  For my tender-hearted boy (and self), I will postpone this experience.  He has enough going on in his imagination.  See clown, above.