Halloween, debriefed.

What I am most thankful for this Halloween (I know, not yet the season of Thanksgiving but really, something we should be practicing all of the time) is that I didn't get so caught up in the perfection of the food and decor and trying to do everything myself that I actually really got to hang out with my kids and friends and have fun.  I hate it when I get so attached to a preconception that I can't just let things unfold in their own organic way.  My children have given me that gift, through parenting, for sure.  I find that the less is more approach for holidays works quite well.   Oh, and delegating and asking for help--something I would have NEVER thought of doing not so very long ago--go a very long way toward maintaining one's sanity. 

We had the fourth of what has become an annual tradition on Halloween night--post trick or treating family fun at our house.  We provided the Ghoul-ash (sigh) and spiced pumpkin soup, friends pitched in pot luck style and brought loads of "grow food" in a vain attempt at a protein versus sugar counter-insurgency, as well as some fun and decadent treats to share.  We had a game of a spoon race with these really oogie gummy eyeballs (a-la egg races).  We had a wrap-a-mummy craft with popsicle sticks, gauze, glue and a marker, as well as candle making with sheets of beeswax to wrap around a string (kit purchased from Magic Cabin).  Then there was the highlight for the children, the haunted closet.  We hung black sheets all around and dangled things down.   It's very easy to create a spooky environment based on suggestion and possibility--it let's the imagination fill in the blanks and can create dramatic tension.  We had some ghosts and bats and ghoulie things but the faces were cartoon-ish;  without the realism they seem not so scary and a bit softer.  We borrowed a skeleton from work and dressed him up as a pirate.  There was a bucket with some dry ice steaming away and a strobe light.  There was also a large pot with spaghetti, gummy worms and eyeballs.  Eeew.  Major tactile grossness.  A little background of scary (but not disgusting or horrific) sounds from the $3 disc from Wal Mart on repeat in the CD player, and we had some serious ambiance.  What allowed for the precise level of terror based on the age/temperament of the child were the 2 dads that participated in the fun.  My husband and a dear friend/super good sport who donned some furry gloves and made noises while reaching out from behind a black sheet, sacrificed their own social needs and agenda to provide a true thrill for the willing guests.

What I also enjoyed immensely was the creativity of the costumes--all home made and hilarious, gorgeous, kooky, and fun;  an opportunity for the alter ego to have it's day in the sun.  We had 3 skunks--?, one with Elvis hair.  We had Goldilocks and the 3 bears in costumes made from brown towels and some faux fur--Mom and 2 daughters were the 3 bears and Dad was Goldie which was...interesting.  We had Sonny and Cher.  We had a Lager/Logger and a Cougar animal/40 year old prowler, both double entendre'd.  We had 2 Princess Leia's and 2 Yoda's-one father/son and one mother/daughter team.  We had a drop-dead gorgeous flapper with an authentic dress, her hubby a cowpoke.  There were a handful of cowboys, gypsies, witches.  Then, of course, our costumes.

C, the dreamer, wanted to be "The Ocean" this year.  He is a water child;  unfortunately we live in the desert.  But he manages it fine between the bathtub, pools and an occasional hot tub, and, amazingly, doesn't mind getting pummeled by waves any time we make it to the ocean (which is every chance we get).  He used to dress up anytime and all of the time, an activity that has sadly faded some in the past 6 months as he comes more into his body, more into this world and more into reality.  I mean a character would occupy his soul and he would create an amazing and accurate look with a sarong.  He would dress up as Robin Hood, Peter Pan, an Indian (I know, so un-PC), Jesus, a Masai warrior, a beggar, a pirate, and animals of all kinds, among other things.  Being in an imaginary world was ALL he would do.  Given his costume proclivity, I advised him that a decision on Halloween needed to be made by the beginning of October so that we would have time to make it.  This, to the right, was his vision.  And the hat is a wave...sometimes a tsunami.  I love the fact that it's abstract;  the other thing he was considering was being a mountain.    He was thinking of big-ness.  It was fun to find the little jewels to put onto this creation, and to have him draw a picture of his vision and then try to make it come to life...sort of our own little Project Runway.  He found the fabric and we bought a couple of "toobs" of sea animals which, along with copious tiny and a couple of larger shells from the craft store, were attached with a hot glue gun, my new favorite thing in life.  We painted some fabric glue on the bottom and sprinkled sand from our play box on the bottom of the cape to create the sea bed, and we had ourselves an ocean. 

Last year he was a nature spirit.  We (meaning Grandma) sewed a cape-like gown and put lots of nature-y things on it, such as leaves, feathers and flowers.  We went to town with a hat and staff.  The truth is that I'd have done none of it if it weren't for his wanting to do it, and my wanting to see what we could do.  I want him and my younger boys to truly believe that anything is indeed possible, that you can make your dreams come to fruition.  And I want them to feel supported, acknowledged, listened to.  Before these last two years his costumes were much more standard fare--a pirate, a lion.  But when he said "Nature Spirit,"  I thought "And So It Shall Be."  And, of course, I love a challenge.

In some years past we've done a family theme just because it's fun and funny and cute.  S, the middle one, wasn't interested in being anything related to his brother, in spite of so many cool things from the ocean--he wanted to do his own thing.  His preschool class is called the Gnomes and he loves it.  So, being that he is so very gnome-like, I thought he and my baby would look ridiculously cute as gnomes, and he went for it.  My husband has a vast knowledge and love for fungi and we often go a-huntin' for mushrooms.  I made a hat to look like the cap of an Amanita muscaria, and my body the white stem, and we were off.  Hubby, a magical wizard, and it was complete.  What was extra nice about this, is that it gave me the opportunity to connect in a direct and very special way with my middle son.  He is the one I worry about most and hope that I make enough effort to let him know how loved he is.  I fear him getting lost as a middle child, and have had nightmares about him literally getting lost-in the woods, in rivers.  The fact that we had costumes that went together like peas and carrots, like PB & J, like gnomes and toadstools...well, that was extra special.   We got to be special buddies and I got to honor both C and S in very different and very gratifying ways.

After a bit of trick or treating, back home we went and welcomed our treasured circle of friends in.  I think that it being on a Saturday helped  a lot as there was some down time for the kids, and time for us parents to get things ready.  I was able to take time during the party to listen to my kids, to do crafts with our smaller guests, to visit, mingle and be present.  It was good.  We had enough of everything--food, drink, merriment, people and time.  And the fact that the 'fall back' Daylight Savings change happened that night gave me a whole extra hour to clean up the next day!  That and think about next Halloween.  And for it all, I am so, so very thankful.